Better Than a Resolution

And kinder to yourself

I was having tea with a friend the other day and we were talking about the upcoming holidays and plans for the new year. She’s chosen her word for 2026 (as have I - it’s CREATE) and wondered if I do resolutions?

I almost can’t not. They seem so juicy and full of possibility, even though I know most are abandoned before the middle of February and most of mine before the middle of January.

What works far better for me is the thirty day challenge. I didn’t come up with this idea, but I can’t remember where I saw it first. The premise is simple: pick something you want to incorporate into your life and try it for 30 days. At the end of the month, you can assess — did you stick with the practice? Did it get easier? Does your life feel better for doing it? If it does, you can stick with the practice, try to make it a daily habit. If I like it, I’ll usually run it as another 30 day challenge, just to solidify its place in my life.

If the challenge wasn’t successful — maybe I couldn’t stick with the practice, or I did it for 30 days with no noticeable improvement, I’ll reassess. Is there something else I can try to get the results I desire? Am I trying to fix something that isn’t actually broken? Did I maybe get caught up in a practice that someone else is really excited about but that doesn’t work for me (hello, meditation!)?

With the challenge running for just 30 days, dropping out doesn’t feel like as much of a failure as giving up on a New Year’s resolution. And by calling it a challenge, or, even better, an experiment, dropping out becomes less about me failing or being lazy and more about the practice not fitting into my life.

I want to emphasize something here. All of these practices? Are to improve your life, not your self. I don’t believe in self-improvement. I think we’re all fine just the way we are. Some of us may need to behave a little better. But behaviour and being are not the same thing. Who your are is lovely. How your life is working might stand a bit of an upgrade.

One of the best experiments I’ve run was a 30 day peopling challenge. I was feeling lonely, neglected and quite sorry for myself. So I decided that for an entire month, I had to make contact with another human who wasn’t my husband. I kept it really low-stakes. Doctors appointments counted. If I ran errands with Alan and went into a store and said hello to the cashier, that counted. I could text a friend or actually get together with someone. It took a little while for the coffee dates and dinners to start happening, but with an outside contact every day, my social life started to flourish. I filled in every square of the chart I’d drawn up and at the end of the month, I felt a lot happier and a lot less lonely. I ran the challenge once more and now reaching out has become a habit. I’m getting together with friends on a regular basis. Life-improvement accomplished.

I also decide on a treat to have if I fill all the little boxes on my chart, maybe a dinner out, or a book that everyone’s talking about, something I know I’ll enjoy that has nothing to do with the experiment itself, just as an added incentive to keep going. It’s not always apparent right away if a practice is working for you or not. Giving it a full 30 days helps you to know for sure. Unless, of course, you’ve been overly ambitious in your choice of experiment. If it’s wearing you out, reassess and go with something easier. You’re just trying to make your life a little better, month by month, not set any world records.

What do you think? Resolutions? Challenges? Or let things flow as they are? Whatever way you do it, I wish you all the best in 2026.

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My novella, Mrs. Rochester, a feminist sequel to Jane Eyre, is available on Kobo (and it will take far less than 30 days to read it). One reader said, “It is so thoughtful and compassionate and creative and believable.”